Sunday, September 18, 2016

It's okay to feel vulnerable

Vulnerability is terrifying. 

A good friend of mine convinced me to put you before myself when writing. Going forward, I want to consider how my thoughts are going to benefit you before myself, even if that means taking a risk. 

Last Tuesday's blog post was the first time I've ever given a glimpse into my past. No matter how vague you may feel I described my experiences; I want you to understand how hard it felt to reflect on old wounds and how their impact influenced who I am today.  

Though I'm not ashamed of my story, publishing that blog affected my entire week, which also lead to several additions and edits as I spiraled deeper and deeper into a never-ending stream of consciousness in the days following. It was the first time I've ever felt exposed by my own writing.

My content previously lacked depth, because I was scared to give too much insight into my darker past experiences. It takes a lot of courage to expose yourself to others and in my case, complete strangers. Maybe if I still created content under my pseudonym "MorganFreeman7" I would have let you in sooner?  

I promise to be vulnerable when I write. The more it scares me to click "Publish", the better. I've already expressed how hard it is for me to open up to others, but I want you to know who I am and more importantly why I am this way. I don't want to be a hypocrite. I'm not going to lie to you. My life hasn't been all rainbows and sunshine. You need to know my darkest moments in order to understand why I'm so grateful and appreciative of my brightest epiphanies. 

I want to continue to live fearlessly. I want to be authentic. I want to share my thoughts and opinions without fear of being judged. I want you to see who I was because it's easier to bridge a connection and have compassion for someone when they show you exactly who they are.

Vulnerability is terrifying, because it should be. Having the strength to feel vulnerable changes you. Growth requires being willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable. It's okay to feel vulnerable. The fear that accompanies vulnerability is powerful. It sparks change, growth, and deeper connections, because you're forced to be your most sincere and authentic self.