Tuesday, September 20, 2016

MEAN GIRL | Why I got into self-improvement

My name is Denise, and I am a MEAN GIRL. 

At my very core, I am a mean girl(This is also probably why I relate to villains and seem to attract people with similarly shameful pasts.) 

I can come up with sassy quips and sarcastic comments at the drop of a hat. I don't always watch my tone when expressing my opinions, and I've even made people that I love cry. If you're finding this hard to believe, then I'm really glad because it means that I've done my job. Every day, I find myself actively going against my initial instincts and innate behaviors. I'm definitely not proud of it, but I've grown to accept it as part of who I am (and hopefully one day was). 

Growing up, I never had issues getting what I wanted. My parents provided me with an amazing childhood. I excelled in school. I was accepted on every dance and sports team that I wanted to join. I was asked out on dates regularly. I got invited to dances and parties. People were just naturally drawn to me without much effort on my part. A friend of mine, who has a degree in Psychology, categorized me under the "What is beautiful is good" stereotype. (It felt like a backhanded compliment at the time, but I understood his intentions.)

To make things clear, I've never been an outright bitch. (Or at least I hope that I haven't...Because of the privileges I had been given, I was blind to my own faults. I was placed under an unrealistic spotlight that inevitably lead to complacency.

I was too smart for my own good, and I'd never known what it felt like to fail. I'd never been rejected. I'd never been someone's second choice. I didn't know what it felt like to not be good enough. I was always putting myself first and doing what was in my best interest.

I expressed myself and made decisions without considering how it would affect others. I broke hearts without remorse. I thrived on proving that I was right, even if it meant making someone else feel stupid. (/sigh Ok... maybe I was a bitch.)

As I got older, I actively worked to become more self-aware and considerate of others. Now, I consciously weigh every pro and con and consider the benefits and disadvantages for every person involved in my decision making. I also do my best to take every unfortunate situation as an opportunity to learn and grow as a person. Not only do I want to keep my inner mean girl in check, but I want to become as good of a person as most people perceive me to already be. 

I take a genuine interest in every new person I meet. I want to consistently benefit the lives of my closest friends and family. I want to be kind to strangers. I want to be more compassionate and patient. I want to boost the self-esteem of others and not be afraid to open up and feel vulnerable.

I aspire to know better, do better, and be better. I may never be perfect, but I like who I am becoming.